I’m a lesbian mom, and I’ve always known I was a good parent to my two kids. I’ve also admired the parenting of other lesbian moms, so I wasn’t surprised by the recent study released in Pediatrics (the official journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics) that noted how well we are parenting.
Adolescent children of lesbians "rated significantly higher in social, school/academic, and total competence and significantly lower in social problems, rule-breaking, aggressive, and externalizing problem behavior than their age-matched counterparts," the study concluded.
This flies in the face of public opinion against same-sex marriage and parenting. Conventional wisdom holds that a married heterosexual couple is the model for raising kids. And some zealots taunt us by saying, "God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve" - or in this case, "Eve and Eve." But the claim that married heterosexuals make the best parents - or the converse, that same-sex parents can't do a good job - is no longer sustainable.
The study gathered data between 1986 and 1992 with 77 lesbian families who had raised children since birth. It focused on "key developmental outcomes, psychological adjustment, peer relationships, family relationships and progress through school."
The study suggests that since lesbian parents use less corporal punishment and are more actively involved with their kids, their children are better adjusted.
The arguments against same-sex marriage are collapsing, one after another.
By the time today's kids are grown up, may we all have the right to marry the person of our choice and to raise our children without prejudice.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Juneteenth
June 19, or Juneteenth, is Independence Day for many Americans of African descent.
Also known as Emancipation Day or Freedom Day, it commemorates the end of slavery, the seminal event in African-American history.
President Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation took effect on Jan. 1, 1863, but the word did not spread instantly. According to one account, the Emancipation Proclamation was read to slaves in Galveston, Texas, on June 19, 1865, more than two years after it officially went into effect. As word of the end of slavery spread, Juneteenth was created to commemorate that day.
There are several different accounts of why the news of freedom took so long to arrive.
One story has it that slaves were intentionally kept ignorant about their freedom in order to allow crops to continue being harvested.
Another has one messenger traveling by mule to deliver the news, and it simply took more than two years to arrive from Washington D.C., to Texas.
Yet another story has the messenger being murdered before he could deliver the message.
No matter the origin of Juneteenth, the end of slavery is definitely worth celebrating.
And while much has happened in the nearly 150 years since slavery officially ended, its legacies still remain in the form of disparate salaries, educational levels and incarceration rates.
Juneteenth, which is now observed in 36 states and the District of Columbia, is a time to take stock of our progress — and of the work that remains.
Last year, for Juneteenth, President Obama said: “African Americans helped to build our nation brick by brick and have contributed to her growth in every way, even when rights and liberties were denied to them.”
We’re still building it.
Happy Juneteenth.
Also known as Emancipation Day or Freedom Day, it commemorates the end of slavery, the seminal event in African-American history.
President Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation took effect on Jan. 1, 1863, but the word did not spread instantly. According to one account, the Emancipation Proclamation was read to slaves in Galveston, Texas, on June 19, 1865, more than two years after it officially went into effect. As word of the end of slavery spread, Juneteenth was created to commemorate that day.
There are several different accounts of why the news of freedom took so long to arrive.
One story has it that slaves were intentionally kept ignorant about their freedom in order to allow crops to continue being harvested.
Another has one messenger traveling by mule to deliver the news, and it simply took more than two years to arrive from Washington D.C., to Texas.
Yet another story has the messenger being murdered before he could deliver the message.
No matter the origin of Juneteenth, the end of slavery is definitely worth celebrating.
And while much has happened in the nearly 150 years since slavery officially ended, its legacies still remain in the form of disparate salaries, educational levels and incarceration rates.
Juneteenth, which is now observed in 36 states and the District of Columbia, is a time to take stock of our progress — and of the work that remains.
Last year, for Juneteenth, President Obama said: “African Americans helped to build our nation brick by brick and have contributed to her growth in every way, even when rights and liberties were denied to them.”
We’re still building it.
Happy Juneteenth.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Kwanzaa still relevant today
Kwanzaa is a weeklong celebration beginning on Dec. 26 but this time, the occasion is different than in past years. This Kwanzaa, we have a black man in the White House.
Kwanzaa, which was first observed more than 40 years ago and is often mistakenly called the "Black Christmas," is undeniably about race. But it is also about cultural heritage, as it recalls the fact that millions of Americans came to this country from Africa as slaves.
The word "Kwanzaa" itself means "first fruits" in Swahili. It has seven principles: unity, self-determination, collective work and responsibility, cooperative economics, purpose, creativity and faith.
During this year's celebration, which runs through Jan. 1, we will try to honor those principles, since they are still relevant. We are not yet in a post-racial world. Professor Cornel West has it right: Race does still matter.
You can see it reflected in the unemployment numbers and in the foreclosure statistics. It's still harder to get a job or rent an apartment if you're black, even if your qualifications are the same. And blacks are arrested more often, convicted more often and incarcerated for longer periods of time than whites accused of the same crimes.
But Kwanzaa is not just a black holiday. Many of its principles are universal. Take "creativity." Here is the official Kwanzaa explanation of this principle: "To do always as much as we can, in the way we can, in order to leave our community more beautiful and beneficial than we inherited it." That is something we all can get behind.
Happy Kwanzaa.
Kwanzaa, which was first observed more than 40 years ago and is often mistakenly called the "Black Christmas," is undeniably about race. But it is also about cultural heritage, as it recalls the fact that millions of Americans came to this country from Africa as slaves.
The word "Kwanzaa" itself means "first fruits" in Swahili. It has seven principles: unity, self-determination, collective work and responsibility, cooperative economics, purpose, creativity and faith.
During this year's celebration, which runs through Jan. 1, we will try to honor those principles, since they are still relevant. We are not yet in a post-racial world. Professor Cornel West has it right: Race does still matter.
You can see it reflected in the unemployment numbers and in the foreclosure statistics. It's still harder to get a job or rent an apartment if you're black, even if your qualifications are the same. And blacks are arrested more often, convicted more often and incarcerated for longer periods of time than whites accused of the same crimes.
But Kwanzaa is not just a black holiday. Many of its principles are universal. Take "creativity." Here is the official Kwanzaa explanation of this principle: "To do always as much as we can, in the way we can, in order to leave our community more beautiful and beneficial than we inherited it." That is something we all can get behind.
Happy Kwanzaa.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
"Black in America 2" Good Discussion About Race
Race matters, and not just where there is racism. You need no further evidence than the arrest of Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates, the controversy surrounding that arrest and the diverging perspectives on it, depending on whether you are white or black.
The Gates incident surfaced just as CNN was continuing its discussion on race with Black in America 2.
I asked the reporter on the series, Soledad O’Brien, to give me her post-airing thoughts via Twitter. Here’s what she said: The “timing of Gates arrest makes me realize examining experience of black Americans is timely and relevant.”
It couldn’t have been more so.
Some black folks were critical of the series, stating that it added nothing to the discourse. I disagree. Many of us have the notion that we know more about “them” than they do about “us.” But it’s not just black and white, and that’s what I enjoyed about the series.
I am black, and I experienced many an “ahah” moment from the profiles presented. I also enjoyed the socio-economic diversity within the series. It didn’t just focus on the downtrodden black person trying to rise up from the so-called ghetto. There were affluent blacks, and not so affluent ones. There were young and old, and the older group is one that many of us are not familiar enough with. One group noticeably missing, however, was the black gay community.
Black in America 2 didn’t try to tell the whole story, and no one can. But it showed some snapshots of the lives of black folks, and these are part of the American family album that all of us should enjoy.
I am looking forward to Black in America 3 from CNN, and Latinos in America in October 2009. There is a rumor that Gay in America is coming in 2010. I hope that’s true, too.
We need to know more about each other in this country. And the more we know, the less likely we are to react to events in ways that correspond only to who we are on the surface.
The Gates incident surfaced just as CNN was continuing its discussion on race with Black in America 2.
I asked the reporter on the series, Soledad O’Brien, to give me her post-airing thoughts via Twitter. Here’s what she said: The “timing of Gates arrest makes me realize examining experience of black Americans is timely and relevant.”
It couldn’t have been more so.
Some black folks were critical of the series, stating that it added nothing to the discourse. I disagree. Many of us have the notion that we know more about “them” than they do about “us.” But it’s not just black and white, and that’s what I enjoyed about the series.
I am black, and I experienced many an “ahah” moment from the profiles presented. I also enjoyed the socio-economic diversity within the series. It didn’t just focus on the downtrodden black person trying to rise up from the so-called ghetto. There were affluent blacks, and not so affluent ones. There were young and old, and the older group is one that many of us are not familiar enough with. One group noticeably missing, however, was the black gay community.
Black in America 2 didn’t try to tell the whole story, and no one can. But it showed some snapshots of the lives of black folks, and these are part of the American family album that all of us should enjoy.
I am looking forward to Black in America 3 from CNN, and Latinos in America in October 2009. There is a rumor that Gay in America is coming in 2010. I hope that’s true, too.
We need to know more about each other in this country. And the more we know, the less likely we are to react to events in ways that correspond only to who we are on the surface.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Happy Mother’s Day, Michelle
By Akilah Bolden-Monifa, May 10, 2009
On her own merits, she is an accomplished, three-dimensional modern black woman. Even with all the privileges of the White House, she still has to balance the conflict between work and family life. And by bringing her mother to the White House, she acknowledges that all families need support.
This Mother’s Day is the first time we’ve had a woman of African descent as the nation’s most famous mother.
I’m referring, of course, to Michelle Obama, who shatters stereotypes. An Ivy League graduate and successful attorney, she is as far from the “welfare queen” stereotype as you can imagine.
Neither does she fit other stereotypes of the overbearing black woman, or the “mammy” of all-too-many Hollywood depictions.
Nor does she fit the stereotype of the abandoned black woman, who has to do all the work because the black man in her life has left her.
On her own merits, she is an accomplished, three-dimensional modern black woman. Even with all the privileges of the White House, she still has to balance the conflict between work and family life. And by bringing her mother to the White House, she acknowledges that all families need support. At the same time, she properly preserves her daughters’ privacy while raising her family in the most public of houses.
Although Michelle Obama should not have the burden of representing all mothers, she can certainly help with the image of black mothers.
She is a role model for all women and mothers.
So Happy Mother’s Day, Michelle.
And on this day, let us move beyond stereotypes — and value women and mothers for who they are.
They all deserve it, today and every day.
On her own merits, she is an accomplished, three-dimensional modern black woman. Even with all the privileges of the White House, she still has to balance the conflict between work and family life. And by bringing her mother to the White House, she acknowledges that all families need support.
This Mother’s Day is the first time we’ve had a woman of African descent as the nation’s most famous mother.
I’m referring, of course, to Michelle Obama, who shatters stereotypes. An Ivy League graduate and successful attorney, she is as far from the “welfare queen” stereotype as you can imagine.
Neither does she fit other stereotypes of the overbearing black woman, or the “mammy” of all-too-many Hollywood depictions.
Nor does she fit the stereotype of the abandoned black woman, who has to do all the work because the black man in her life has left her.
On her own merits, she is an accomplished, three-dimensional modern black woman. Even with all the privileges of the White House, she still has to balance the conflict between work and family life. And by bringing her mother to the White House, she acknowledges that all families need support. At the same time, she properly preserves her daughters’ privacy while raising her family in the most public of houses.
Although Michelle Obama should not have the burden of representing all mothers, she can certainly help with the image of black mothers.
She is a role model for all women and mothers.
So Happy Mother’s Day, Michelle.
And on this day, let us move beyond stereotypes — and value women and mothers for who they are.
They all deserve it, today and every day.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Thirty Years after Milk assassination, we need to further his vision
By Akilah Bolden-Monifa
On the 30th anniversary of Harvey Milk's assassination, we need to make good on the promise of equality that he died for.
Born in New York, Milk moved to San Francisco when he was 40 and quickly became a community activist. He dubbed himself the "Mayor of Castro Street," and he and other gay folks were abused by the police.
So he started organizing and then ran for political office unsuccessfully three times. The fourth time in 1977 he won a seat on the board of supervisors in San Francisco.
He became the first openly gay man to be elected to a public office in the United States.
Ironically, Dan White, his assassin, won a seat at the same time.
Back then, anti-gay sentiment was rampant. Anita Bryant was in her prime in Florida, campaigning luridly against civil rights for gays and lesbians. There was even a ballot initiative in California to get rid of gay and lesbian teachers.
Milk helped defeat the initiative and went on to get the city of San Francisco to pass an ordinance ensuring that gays and lesbians have equal rights.
Less than one month later, on November 27, 1978, he and Mayor George Moscone were assassinated by Dan White.
Milk would have been outraged that California voters just passed a ballot initiative banning same-sex marriage. This was a huge blow for gay and lesbian civil rights. And it was a personal affront to the 18,000 folks (including this author) who were able to enjoy the right to same-sex marriage in the four months prior to the November election.
Milk properly equated gay and lesbian rights with other civil rights. And he saw the recognition of all these rights as part of the American tradition of equality and fairness.
We need to recall his courage and his vision. Fortunately, the just-released movie "Milk," starring Sean Penn, should help us do so.
Harvey Milk inspired hope.
We needed it 30 years ago.
And we need it today if we are to achieve full civil rights for all.
On the 30th anniversary of Harvey Milk's assassination, we need to make good on the promise of equality that he died for.
Born in New York, Milk moved to San Francisco when he was 40 and quickly became a community activist. He dubbed himself the "Mayor of Castro Street," and he and other gay folks were abused by the police.
So he started organizing and then ran for political office unsuccessfully three times. The fourth time in 1977 he won a seat on the board of supervisors in San Francisco.
He became the first openly gay man to be elected to a public office in the United States.
Ironically, Dan White, his assassin, won a seat at the same time.
Back then, anti-gay sentiment was rampant. Anita Bryant was in her prime in Florida, campaigning luridly against civil rights for gays and lesbians. There was even a ballot initiative in California to get rid of gay and lesbian teachers.
Milk helped defeat the initiative and went on to get the city of San Francisco to pass an ordinance ensuring that gays and lesbians have equal rights.
Less than one month later, on November 27, 1978, he and Mayor George Moscone were assassinated by Dan White.
Milk would have been outraged that California voters just passed a ballot initiative banning same-sex marriage. This was a huge blow for gay and lesbian civil rights. And it was a personal affront to the 18,000 folks (including this author) who were able to enjoy the right to same-sex marriage in the four months prior to the November election.
Milk properly equated gay and lesbian rights with other civil rights. And he saw the recognition of all these rights as part of the American tradition of equality and fairness.
We need to recall his courage and his vision. Fortunately, the just-released movie "Milk," starring Sean Penn, should help us do so.
Harvey Milk inspired hope.
We needed it 30 years ago.
And we need it today if we are to achieve full civil rights for all.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Obama, McCain should support same-sex marriage
By Akilah Monifa, October 20, 2008
Sens. Barack Obama and John McCain see eye to eye on one issue: same-sex marriage. They’re both opposed.
They should have met Del Martin.
For 55 years, she and Phyllis Lyon were partners. Together, they helped establish the nation's first lesbian rights organization, the Daughters of Bolitis, back in 1955.
Martin and Lyon were the first couple to be married in the city of San Francisco in 2004 and again in the state of California on June 16, 2008. Martin died two months later, on Aug. 27. She was 87.
Neither Obama nor McCain has offered a rational, secular reason why these two women should not have married each other.
Lyon is eligible for California state benefits of inheritance and insurance but is denied over 1,000 federally granted benefits, including Social Security.
But now the citizens of California may posthumously annul their marriage. Same-sex marriage in California is in jeopardy because of a proposition on the Nov. 4 ballot that aims to overrule the California Supreme Court's recent granting of the right of all to marry. Same-sex marriage is also legal in Massachusetts, as well as Connecticut, after the state Supreme Court ruling there on Oct. 3.
On such a civil rights issue, I would have hoped that the presidential candidates would have taken a stand.
Instead, they ducked it, even though they made comments that seemed to recognize the validity of same-sex relationships. In his acceptance speech at the Democratic National Convention, Obama said regardless of how folks feel about same-sex marriage, there is universal agreement on allowing visitation rights in a hospital and not discriminating against gays and lesbians.
McCain has echoed this, as did Sen. Joe Biden and even Gov. Sarah Palin in the vice presidential debate.
Del Martin spent her life fighting for equality. Early on, she understood the parallels between discrimination against blacks and discrimination against gays and lesbians. And she opposed all discrimination.
I’m confident that had Obama or McCain known her, they would have come around on this issue.
Our sons and daughters should be eligible for the full slate of state and federal rights should they chose to marry.
Del Martin’s dream should become reality.
Sens. Barack Obama and John McCain see eye to eye on one issue: same-sex marriage. They’re both opposed.
They should have met Del Martin.
For 55 years, she and Phyllis Lyon were partners. Together, they helped establish the nation's first lesbian rights organization, the Daughters of Bolitis, back in 1955.
Martin and Lyon were the first couple to be married in the city of San Francisco in 2004 and again in the state of California on June 16, 2008. Martin died two months later, on Aug. 27. She was 87.
Neither Obama nor McCain has offered a rational, secular reason why these two women should not have married each other.
Lyon is eligible for California state benefits of inheritance and insurance but is denied over 1,000 federally granted benefits, including Social Security.
But now the citizens of California may posthumously annul their marriage. Same-sex marriage in California is in jeopardy because of a proposition on the Nov. 4 ballot that aims to overrule the California Supreme Court's recent granting of the right of all to marry. Same-sex marriage is also legal in Massachusetts, as well as Connecticut, after the state Supreme Court ruling there on Oct. 3.
On such a civil rights issue, I would have hoped that the presidential candidates would have taken a stand.
Instead, they ducked it, even though they made comments that seemed to recognize the validity of same-sex relationships. In his acceptance speech at the Democratic National Convention, Obama said regardless of how folks feel about same-sex marriage, there is universal agreement on allowing visitation rights in a hospital and not discriminating against gays and lesbians.
McCain has echoed this, as did Sen. Joe Biden and even Gov. Sarah Palin in the vice presidential debate.
Del Martin spent her life fighting for equality. Early on, she understood the parallels between discrimination against blacks and discrimination against gays and lesbians. And she opposed all discrimination.
I’m confident that had Obama or McCain known her, they would have come around on this issue.
Our sons and daughters should be eligible for the full slate of state and federal rights should they chose to marry.
Del Martin’s dream should become reality.
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