By Akilah Monifa
I'm literally an American; I have a passport issued by the United States of America. I am, in fact, a citizen, born in the state of Kansas. But I am not an American, not figuratively.
I was born in 1957, three years after the historic Brown vs. Board of Education decision that purportedly made segregation in public schools illegal. You know, ``separate but equal is inherently unequal.'' Yet it was 1968, a full 14 years after the Supreme Court ruling, before I attended a public school that was integrated. And I alone provided that integration.
To this day I do not stand for the national anthem at sporting events or elsewhere. I sit quietly in protest. I refuse to ignore the ``pink elephant'' of racism and inequality so pervasive in this country. I do not deny that things are better in 2000 than when I was born, but change has been slow in coming, and we still live in a largely segregated society.
I am constantly mistaken for other black people who look nothing like me -- most recently for a friend who is four inches shorter, has longer hair and much darker skin. I am not an American, because if I were not so akin to Ralph Ellison's ``Invisible Man'' or Audre Lourde's ``Sister Outsider,'' Americans of European descent (read: white people) would see me, and I mean truly see me, and acknowledge in word and deed that we do not all look alike.
I am not an American and will not be an American until people of color are accurately depicted and reflected in the media. Likewise for government representation and corporate and nonprofit ownership.
I am not an American and will not be an American until folks recognize that race and color are not synonymous. That the term ``people of color'' is not literal and that people of color come in a multitude of shades, from very light-skinned white to very dark-skinned black and all shades in between.
Our differences and similarities based on race, gender, sexual orientation and socioeconomic class/status should be recognized, acknowledged and celebrated. The melting-pot theory robs us all of this wonderful diversity, and I refuse to participate in that assimilation.
I will be an American when diversity based on race, ethnicity, religion, socioeconomic class, national origin, sexual orientation, gender and disability is valued, accepted and pursued.
Until then I will remain a lesbian of African descent, born in the United States, holding citizenship and a passport. I do in fact recognize my privileges and choose not to live elsewhere. But I also see how far we as a society have to go to ensure full rights and access to all.
Akilah Monifa is a lesbian of African descent, born in the United States, who is a free-lance writer living in Oakland.
July 2, 2000
Page ED - 9 URL: http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2000/07/02/ED98504.DTL
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Kwanzaa turns 40, remains misunderstood holiday
by Akilah Monifa
I celebrate Kwanzaa, a holiday that honors family, community and culture. My family and I have done so for years. But five years after Sept. 11, in this climate of religious and cultural intolerance in America, I can sympathize with Muslims here who feel like outsiders.Many white Americans are suspicious and fearful of Kwanzaa. Like other holidays that are celebrated predominantly by people of color -- such as Ramadan, Juneteenth, Holi, Hispanic Heritage Month -- Kwanzaa ought to be an opportunity for those who are unfamiliar with it to learn more.It is a seven-day, Pan-African, secular holiday that has cultural roots. Because of its Swahili name and because it begins the day after Christmas, many folks think Kwanzaa is a religious holiday. Many refer to it as the "black Christmas."Its origins are from the civil rights movement of the 1960s. But because of founder Ron Karenga's former ties to the United Slaves Organization, a black nationalist group, Kwanzaa is constantly attacked for being separatist and black nationalist.It is neither.Over the years, there have been quite a few non-African-Americans present at our gatherings, and the atmosphere has been celebratory. People who are not of African descent are happy to be included because they often have family members or friends who participate.Kwanzaa's seven principles -- of unity, self-determination, collective work and responsibility, cooperative economics, purpose, creativity and faith -- are ones that many people, irrespective of background, can appreciate.Millions of people, regardless of race or religion, now celebrate Kwanzaa worldwide. But even as our communities become increasingly multicultural and cross-cultural, acceptance has diminished for those who don't follow mainstream traditions around this time of year.In the age of terror, we would all benefit to learn more about one another, and to embody Kwanzaa's ideals of happiness, unity and peace.Akilah Monifa is a freelance writer living in Oakland, Calif. She can be reached at pmproj@progressive.org.
I celebrate Kwanzaa, a holiday that honors family, community and culture. My family and I have done so for years. But five years after Sept. 11, in this climate of religious and cultural intolerance in America, I can sympathize with Muslims here who feel like outsiders.Many white Americans are suspicious and fearful of Kwanzaa. Like other holidays that are celebrated predominantly by people of color -- such as Ramadan, Juneteenth, Holi, Hispanic Heritage Month -- Kwanzaa ought to be an opportunity for those who are unfamiliar with it to learn more.It is a seven-day, Pan-African, secular holiday that has cultural roots. Because of its Swahili name and because it begins the day after Christmas, many folks think Kwanzaa is a religious holiday. Many refer to it as the "black Christmas."Its origins are from the civil rights movement of the 1960s. But because of founder Ron Karenga's former ties to the United Slaves Organization, a black nationalist group, Kwanzaa is constantly attacked for being separatist and black nationalist.It is neither.Over the years, there have been quite a few non-African-Americans present at our gatherings, and the atmosphere has been celebratory. People who are not of African descent are happy to be included because they often have family members or friends who participate.Kwanzaa's seven principles -- of unity, self-determination, collective work and responsibility, cooperative economics, purpose, creativity and faith -- are ones that many people, irrespective of background, can appreciate.Millions of people, regardless of race or religion, now celebrate Kwanzaa worldwide. But even as our communities become increasingly multicultural and cross-cultural, acceptance has diminished for those who don't follow mainstream traditions around this time of year.In the age of terror, we would all benefit to learn more about one another, and to embody Kwanzaa's ideals of happiness, unity and peace.Akilah Monifa is a freelance writer living in Oakland, Calif. She can be reached at pmproj@progressive.org.
A Matter of Words
by Akilah Monifa
When covering complex issues, start small and watch your language.Parenting by folks in the LGBT communities is a hot media topic. Rosie O'Donnell came out and is also a spokesperson in particular for the rights of LGBTs in Florida as foster parents. This has sparked a great deal of renewed conversation about LGBTs and parenting. Ted Koppel's "Nightline" (ABC) had a five-part series on gays in America beginning May 20 titled, "A Matter of Choice?: Gay Life in America," which was delayed from Sept. 11. The use of the word "choice" in the series is sure to annoy many in our communities. Particularly those who live in a major media market, who are knowledgeable about the issues, don't think it is a matter of choice. But therein lies the problem: we want to educate while simultaneously using politically correct language. Since O'Donnell is both a lesbian and an adoptive parent, consider this: if adoption issues are out in left field for most folks, then gays and lesbians adopting are not even in the same town, much less in the ballpark. Folks are not familiar with issues around adoption and don't know the correct language to use unless they have been impacted by adoption or educated on the issues. Likewise with the LGBT community - even the term LGBT doesn't play in most media markets. LGBTs are perceived differently by both the media and the consumers of media when we are out of the five major media markets, which are all in urban areas. So a national show like Koppel's must play to middle America and the so-called "fly-over" states. If such a show were directed exclusively at a major media market with a large and active LGBT community, then the word "choice" would not be in the frame at all. Decisions need to be made. We must first educate the masses on the simplest issues before demanding that the correct language be used. If folks can't at least understand the basic issues then mere use of the correct terminology makes no sense and doesn't enhance our cause. Without education, two men adopting a child are seen by most in this country as two "fags" taking away a child from his/her "natural" mother rather than a couple forming their family. Here the education is both around adoption issues and LGBT issues. Journalists aren't the only ones who have difficulty knowing what language to use when speaking of "the other," which can be anyone from someone of a different race/ethnicity, nationality, sexual orientation or gender. When "the other" is seen and viewed as "the other," we are dehumanized. To borrow from San Francisco Chronicle TV columnist Tim Goodman, shows like the "Nightline" series for those in "urban gay-familiar areas" are "... not even Gay 101. It's gay kindergarten." Therefore, more stories need to be generated about LGBTs and specifically LGBTs who are parenting, and not just the sensationalistic stories. Having a celebrity come out the closet does nothing to help folks see that me, my partner and our daughter as a family are virtually no different than another two-parent heterosexual couple with a child. Certainly LGBTs using adoption as a way to form our families is but one tiny piece of the media and education puzzle. Journalists and activists must constantly address the concerns and educate folks about other folks who they may have never seen. The complete stories need to be told with all diversity factors included. When our stories are less of an anomaly and our presence is known throughout the country then, despite the religious right, we will cease to be seen as "the other" and merely be another family in the neighborhood in America. The American Academy of Pediatrics, the nation's largest pediatricians' group, estimates that more than 9 million children in the United States have at least one gay or lesbian parent. For me, what really matters is family, not how it is formed nor the specific characteristics of the parent(s). We must continue to find ways to tell our stories to the press and celebrate our families.
June 2003
When covering complex issues, start small and watch your language.Parenting by folks in the LGBT communities is a hot media topic. Rosie O'Donnell came out and is also a spokesperson in particular for the rights of LGBTs in Florida as foster parents. This has sparked a great deal of renewed conversation about LGBTs and parenting. Ted Koppel's "Nightline" (ABC) had a five-part series on gays in America beginning May 20 titled, "A Matter of Choice?: Gay Life in America," which was delayed from Sept. 11. The use of the word "choice" in the series is sure to annoy many in our communities. Particularly those who live in a major media market, who are knowledgeable about the issues, don't think it is a matter of choice. But therein lies the problem: we want to educate while simultaneously using politically correct language. Since O'Donnell is both a lesbian and an adoptive parent, consider this: if adoption issues are out in left field for most folks, then gays and lesbians adopting are not even in the same town, much less in the ballpark. Folks are not familiar with issues around adoption and don't know the correct language to use unless they have been impacted by adoption or educated on the issues. Likewise with the LGBT community - even the term LGBT doesn't play in most media markets. LGBTs are perceived differently by both the media and the consumers of media when we are out of the five major media markets, which are all in urban areas. So a national show like Koppel's must play to middle America and the so-called "fly-over" states. If such a show were directed exclusively at a major media market with a large and active LGBT community, then the word "choice" would not be in the frame at all. Decisions need to be made. We must first educate the masses on the simplest issues before demanding that the correct language be used. If folks can't at least understand the basic issues then mere use of the correct terminology makes no sense and doesn't enhance our cause. Without education, two men adopting a child are seen by most in this country as two "fags" taking away a child from his/her "natural" mother rather than a couple forming their family. Here the education is both around adoption issues and LGBT issues. Journalists aren't the only ones who have difficulty knowing what language to use when speaking of "the other," which can be anyone from someone of a different race/ethnicity, nationality, sexual orientation or gender. When "the other" is seen and viewed as "the other," we are dehumanized. To borrow from San Francisco Chronicle TV columnist Tim Goodman, shows like the "Nightline" series for those in "urban gay-familiar areas" are "... not even Gay 101. It's gay kindergarten." Therefore, more stories need to be generated about LGBTs and specifically LGBTs who are parenting, and not just the sensationalistic stories. Having a celebrity come out the closet does nothing to help folks see that me, my partner and our daughter as a family are virtually no different than another two-parent heterosexual couple with a child. Certainly LGBTs using adoption as a way to form our families is but one tiny piece of the media and education puzzle. Journalists and activists must constantly address the concerns and educate folks about other folks who they may have never seen. The complete stories need to be told with all diversity factors included. When our stories are less of an anomaly and our presence is known throughout the country then, despite the religious right, we will cease to be seen as "the other" and merely be another family in the neighborhood in America. The American Academy of Pediatrics, the nation's largest pediatricians' group, estimates that more than 9 million children in the United States have at least one gay or lesbian parent. For me, what really matters is family, not how it is formed nor the specific characteristics of the parent(s). We must continue to find ways to tell our stories to the press and celebrate our families.
June 2003
5 Subjects White People Should Never Initiate in a Conversation with People of Color
by Akilah Monifa
It used to be that most white people would start a discussion with me, a woman of African descent, by referring to someone or something they thought they knew about another person of African descent, or about my culture.For example, in the 1980s folks would often mention someone they saw on television (or heard about), like Bill Cosby. Those who thought of themselves as hip might lead off with a musical reference -- "that Stevie Wonder is talented," "Lena Horne sure looks good for her age." And, of course, sports were also popular.People would feel free to initiate these discussions, but accepting for their limited knowledge of these folks from the media, their lives were not racially or ethnically diverse. These conversations were always awkward for me and never satisfying. For years, I have denied this, but now that white people are a certified minority, I have devised a list of five subject areas white people should never bring up in conversation with people of color.In no particular order, they are:1. Color, Race and/or Ethnicity -- White people, like people of color, are obsessed with it. (By the way, the term "people of color" is not literal. People of color come in various shades, tones, and hues.) We are aware of this. We don't enjoy you putting your arm next to ours and remarking how you are darker than we are.The prejudice linked to being a person of color is not solely generated by the color of the skin. There are definitely some links, such as how police stop disproportionate numbers of people of color while driving or shopping.But many people of color are discriminated against even though they are not initially seen as a person of color. Most white people would not accept discrimination associated with being a person of color as a fair price to pay for being "exotic" and darker.2. Hair -- Another area considered exotic, and a reason for envy. Plus white people must unconsciously believe that if you rub or touch our hair/head, you will have good luck.You can certainly admire my hair, but if you saw someone of your own race with a nice hair cut, you might compliment or ask where they got it done, but never would you touch it.I also get white people arguing with me about how I groom my hair, particularly after they have seen a documentary on the topic.If the terms "nappy," "kitchen," or even "Jew fro" are not from your particular culture, believe me it is inappropriate and often insulting to approach someone from a different race or ethnicity and use these terms in reference to their hair.3. Clothing --- A huge quagmire.Again, compliment the person just as you would if you saw a polo shirt in a color you like that was particularly flattering on the person.If you choose to wear clothing that is indigenous to another culture, you should not approach someone from that culture and initiate a conversation about how you now "look like them." Remember the expression "a sheep in wolf's clothing." Clothing does not define your race or ethnicity.Nor should you question whether or not someone is wearing clothing associated with her culture.4. Age -- Many people will note that it is difficult to determine the age of people of color, in particular women.Many a comedian of color has made sexist and ageist jokes about white women. The aging process and its effects on looks are not attributes of race and ethnicity, but of a multitude of factors including genetics, luck and individual maintenance.5. Class -- Many a white person mistakenly assumes that all people of color came from a lower socio-economic background and live in their neighborhoods only because they pulled themselves up by their bootstraps.The days of that Booker T. Washington mentality are over. The statement is ridiculous on its face. The reality is that race and/or ethnicity does not solely define us.But when we are initially approached in this way, the walls that divide us continue to grow. Stereotypes dehumanize people so we relate to one another as caricatures instead of human beings.There are many ways to approach folk who are different without initially and awkwardly commenting on those differences.Differences have no intrinsic value. They are neither good nor bad, they just are. So if you wonder about the lack of racial and ethnic diversity in your life, could it be you are inadvertently dehumanizing and/or exoticizing folk rather than reaching out on a more basic human level?As my late grandmother Lizzie used to say, the weather is always a safe topic of conversation and if that goes well, you can move on to another subject area.
April 11, 2001
It used to be that most white people would start a discussion with me, a woman of African descent, by referring to someone or something they thought they knew about another person of African descent, or about my culture.For example, in the 1980s folks would often mention someone they saw on television (or heard about), like Bill Cosby. Those who thought of themselves as hip might lead off with a musical reference -- "that Stevie Wonder is talented," "Lena Horne sure looks good for her age." And, of course, sports were also popular.People would feel free to initiate these discussions, but accepting for their limited knowledge of these folks from the media, their lives were not racially or ethnically diverse. These conversations were always awkward for me and never satisfying. For years, I have denied this, but now that white people are a certified minority, I have devised a list of five subject areas white people should never bring up in conversation with people of color.In no particular order, they are:1. Color, Race and/or Ethnicity -- White people, like people of color, are obsessed with it. (By the way, the term "people of color" is not literal. People of color come in various shades, tones, and hues.) We are aware of this. We don't enjoy you putting your arm next to ours and remarking how you are darker than we are.The prejudice linked to being a person of color is not solely generated by the color of the skin. There are definitely some links, such as how police stop disproportionate numbers of people of color while driving or shopping.But many people of color are discriminated against even though they are not initially seen as a person of color. Most white people would not accept discrimination associated with being a person of color as a fair price to pay for being "exotic" and darker.2. Hair -- Another area considered exotic, and a reason for envy. Plus white people must unconsciously believe that if you rub or touch our hair/head, you will have good luck.You can certainly admire my hair, but if you saw someone of your own race with a nice hair cut, you might compliment or ask where they got it done, but never would you touch it.I also get white people arguing with me about how I groom my hair, particularly after they have seen a documentary on the topic.If the terms "nappy," "kitchen," or even "Jew fro" are not from your particular culture, believe me it is inappropriate and often insulting to approach someone from a different race or ethnicity and use these terms in reference to their hair.3. Clothing --- A huge quagmire.Again, compliment the person just as you would if you saw a polo shirt in a color you like that was particularly flattering on the person.If you choose to wear clothing that is indigenous to another culture, you should not approach someone from that culture and initiate a conversation about how you now "look like them." Remember the expression "a sheep in wolf's clothing." Clothing does not define your race or ethnicity.Nor should you question whether or not someone is wearing clothing associated with her culture.4. Age -- Many people will note that it is difficult to determine the age of people of color, in particular women.Many a comedian of color has made sexist and ageist jokes about white women. The aging process and its effects on looks are not attributes of race and ethnicity, but of a multitude of factors including genetics, luck and individual maintenance.5. Class -- Many a white person mistakenly assumes that all people of color came from a lower socio-economic background and live in their neighborhoods only because they pulled themselves up by their bootstraps.The days of that Booker T. Washington mentality are over. The statement is ridiculous on its face. The reality is that race and/or ethnicity does not solely define us.But when we are initially approached in this way, the walls that divide us continue to grow. Stereotypes dehumanize people so we relate to one another as caricatures instead of human beings.There are many ways to approach folk who are different without initially and awkwardly commenting on those differences.Differences have no intrinsic value. They are neither good nor bad, they just are. So if you wonder about the lack of racial and ethnic diversity in your life, could it be you are inadvertently dehumanizing and/or exoticizing folk rather than reaching out on a more basic human level?As my late grandmother Lizzie used to say, the weather is always a safe topic of conversation and if that goes well, you can move on to another subject area.
April 11, 2001
My Mother's Day wish is for an end to unfair adoption laws
by Akilah Monifa
This year, my partner and I will celebrate our second Mother's Day together, and we are grateful to our daughter, to each other and to our families. We adopted our daughter as a simultaneous same-sex adoption. We are fortunate to live in California where such adoptions are allowed.Unfortunately, many lawmakers and others in our society discriminate against lesbian, bisexual and transgendered mothers. Some women find it more advantageous to stay in the closet about their identity rather than risk losing, or being threatened with losing, parental rights. Some fear never being able to become parents at all because of unfair adoption laws.Florida, Utah and Mississippi currently ban same-sex adoptions, while only six states and the District of Columbia expressly permit them. The remaining states have no express laws regarding same-sex adoptions, although some states deny anyone who is not legally married the right to adopt.Participation in foster care is similarly off-limits in many states and counties, which place limits on who can be a caregiver based on identity, rather than competency. While hundreds of thousands of children nationwide await placement through a foster-care or adoption system, they are prevented from entering loving homes because of laws fueled by ignorance and bias.These laws fail to recognize that millions of children are being raised by so-called nontraditional families, including single parents, unmarried couples and extended families, as well as by gays, lesbians, bisexual and transgendered people, according to the recent census.Good news recently emerged when the American Academy of Pediatrics, the nation's largest pediatricians' group, called for legislation that would allow gays and lesbians to adopt their partner's children, known as second-parent adoption. The academy estimates that more than 9 million children in the United States have at least one gay or lesbian parent.What's more, the American Psychological Association recently published a report saying that "there is no evidence to suggest that lesbians and gay men are unfit to be parents, or that psychological development among children of gay men or lesbians is compromised in any respect relevant to that among offspring of heterosexual parents."This confirms what I already know. We are proud mothers who are also lesbians. For us, what really matters is our family, and that our family is protected under the law.This Mother's Day, like every day, we will celebrate being together and refuse to live with the fear that unfair laws could one day pull us apart.
May 2, 2002
This year, my partner and I will celebrate our second Mother's Day together, and we are grateful to our daughter, to each other and to our families. We adopted our daughter as a simultaneous same-sex adoption. We are fortunate to live in California where such adoptions are allowed.Unfortunately, many lawmakers and others in our society discriminate against lesbian, bisexual and transgendered mothers. Some women find it more advantageous to stay in the closet about their identity rather than risk losing, or being threatened with losing, parental rights. Some fear never being able to become parents at all because of unfair adoption laws.Florida, Utah and Mississippi currently ban same-sex adoptions, while only six states and the District of Columbia expressly permit them. The remaining states have no express laws regarding same-sex adoptions, although some states deny anyone who is not legally married the right to adopt.Participation in foster care is similarly off-limits in many states and counties, which place limits on who can be a caregiver based on identity, rather than competency. While hundreds of thousands of children nationwide await placement through a foster-care or adoption system, they are prevented from entering loving homes because of laws fueled by ignorance and bias.These laws fail to recognize that millions of children are being raised by so-called nontraditional families, including single parents, unmarried couples and extended families, as well as by gays, lesbians, bisexual and transgendered people, according to the recent census.Good news recently emerged when the American Academy of Pediatrics, the nation's largest pediatricians' group, called for legislation that would allow gays and lesbians to adopt their partner's children, known as second-parent adoption. The academy estimates that more than 9 million children in the United States have at least one gay or lesbian parent.What's more, the American Psychological Association recently published a report saying that "there is no evidence to suggest that lesbians and gay men are unfit to be parents, or that psychological development among children of gay men or lesbians is compromised in any respect relevant to that among offspring of heterosexual parents."This confirms what I already know. We are proud mothers who are also lesbians. For us, what really matters is our family, and that our family is protected under the law.This Mother's Day, like every day, we will celebrate being together and refuse to live with the fear that unfair laws could one day pull us apart.
May 2, 2002
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