Society has much to learn about adoption

By Akilah Monifa
November 12, 2003
Nov. 22 is National Adoption Day and this is National Adoption Month. I appreciate the recognition.
My partner and I are the mothers of two children, and although they joined our family, we do not refer to them as my "adopted" children.
It is amazing to me the number of strangers who approach me and ask questions in front of my children about how they may have joined my family. Questions like, "What do you know about the 'real' or 'natural' mother or father?" "Aren't you afraid they will want their kids back?" "Why were they given away?"
I struggle with how to reply to these questions because my main goal is to protect my children. I do not want them to feel stigmatized in any way.
My partner suggests a universal response to all such questions: "I'm sure you wouldn't have asked if you had known, but in our family, we don't discuss with strangers how our family was formed."
For me it's quite simple. I am a woman who wanted children. Our children know in an age-appropriate way how our family was formed. Our son is too young, but we talk to our daughter, who is now almost 3, about adoption, tell her the story of how she joined our family and let her know about how other families were created through adoption.
There are about 150,000 children and youth waiting in the foster-care system in the United States for permanent placement, according to recent estimates available from the Department of Health and Human Services' Administration for Children and Families. Thousands of eligible children in need of adoptive families are children of color. Many are older children and siblings who want to stay together.
A study released last year by the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption found that nearly 40 percent of American adults have considered adopting a child. With the advent of the Internet and with easily accessible information now available about adoption, people interested in adopting don't have far to look.
As for me, I will concentrate on raising and protecting my children. My wish for National Adoption Month and beyond is for all of us to understand that every child -- regardless of how they joined a family -- needs a loving home.
Akilah Monifa is a free-lance writer living in Oakland, Calif. She can be reached at pmproj@progressive.org.