by Akilah Monifa
When covering complex issues, start small and watch your language.Parenting by folks in the LGBT communities is a hot media topic. Rosie O'Donnell came out and is also a spokesperson in particular for the rights of LGBTs in Florida as foster parents. This has sparked a great deal of renewed conversation about LGBTs and parenting. Ted Koppel's "Nightline" (ABC) had a five-part series on gays in America beginning May 20 titled, "A Matter of Choice?: Gay Life in America," which was delayed from Sept. 11. The use of the word "choice" in the series is sure to annoy many in our communities. Particularly those who live in a major media market, who are knowledgeable about the issues, don't think it is a matter of choice. But therein lies the problem: we want to educate while simultaneously using politically correct language. Since O'Donnell is both a lesbian and an adoptive parent, consider this: if adoption issues are out in left field for most folks, then gays and lesbians adopting are not even in the same town, much less in the ballpark. Folks are not familiar with issues around adoption and don't know the correct language to use unless they have been impacted by adoption or educated on the issues. Likewise with the LGBT community - even the term LGBT doesn't play in most media markets. LGBTs are perceived differently by both the media and the consumers of media when we are out of the five major media markets, which are all in urban areas. So a national show like Koppel's must play to middle America and the so-called "fly-over" states. If such a show were directed exclusively at a major media market with a large and active LGBT community, then the word "choice" would not be in the frame at all. Decisions need to be made. We must first educate the masses on the simplest issues before demanding that the correct language be used. If folks can't at least understand the basic issues then mere use of the correct terminology makes no sense and doesn't enhance our cause. Without education, two men adopting a child are seen by most in this country as two "fags" taking away a child from his/her "natural" mother rather than a couple forming their family. Here the education is both around adoption issues and LGBT issues. Journalists aren't the only ones who have difficulty knowing what language to use when speaking of "the other," which can be anyone from someone of a different race/ethnicity, nationality, sexual orientation or gender. When "the other" is seen and viewed as "the other," we are dehumanized. To borrow from San Francisco Chronicle TV columnist Tim Goodman, shows like the "Nightline" series for those in "urban gay-familiar areas" are "... not even Gay 101. It's gay kindergarten." Therefore, more stories need to be generated about LGBTs and specifically LGBTs who are parenting, and not just the sensationalistic stories. Having a celebrity come out the closet does nothing to help folks see that me, my partner and our daughter as a family are virtually no different than another two-parent heterosexual couple with a child. Certainly LGBTs using adoption as a way to form our families is but one tiny piece of the media and education puzzle. Journalists and activists must constantly address the concerns and educate folks about other folks who they may have never seen. The complete stories need to be told with all diversity factors included. When our stories are less of an anomaly and our presence is known throughout the country then, despite the religious right, we will cease to be seen as "the other" and merely be another family in the neighborhood in America. The American Academy of Pediatrics, the nation's largest pediatricians' group, estimates that more than 9 million children in the United States have at least one gay or lesbian parent. For me, what really matters is family, not how it is formed nor the specific characteristics of the parent(s). We must continue to find ways to tell our stories to the press and celebrate our families.
June 2003
Showing posts with label Adoption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Adoption. Show all posts
Thursday, December 28, 2006
My Mother's Day wish is for an end to unfair adoption laws
by Akilah Monifa
This year, my partner and I will celebrate our second Mother's Day together, and we are grateful to our daughter, to each other and to our families. We adopted our daughter as a simultaneous same-sex adoption. We are fortunate to live in California where such adoptions are allowed.Unfortunately, many lawmakers and others in our society discriminate against lesbian, bisexual and transgendered mothers. Some women find it more advantageous to stay in the closet about their identity rather than risk losing, or being threatened with losing, parental rights. Some fear never being able to become parents at all because of unfair adoption laws.Florida, Utah and Mississippi currently ban same-sex adoptions, while only six states and the District of Columbia expressly permit them. The remaining states have no express laws regarding same-sex adoptions, although some states deny anyone who is not legally married the right to adopt.Participation in foster care is similarly off-limits in many states and counties, which place limits on who can be a caregiver based on identity, rather than competency. While hundreds of thousands of children nationwide await placement through a foster-care or adoption system, they are prevented from entering loving homes because of laws fueled by ignorance and bias.These laws fail to recognize that millions of children are being raised by so-called nontraditional families, including single parents, unmarried couples and extended families, as well as by gays, lesbians, bisexual and transgendered people, according to the recent census.Good news recently emerged when the American Academy of Pediatrics, the nation's largest pediatricians' group, called for legislation that would allow gays and lesbians to adopt their partner's children, known as second-parent adoption. The academy estimates that more than 9 million children in the United States have at least one gay or lesbian parent.What's more, the American Psychological Association recently published a report saying that "there is no evidence to suggest that lesbians and gay men are unfit to be parents, or that psychological development among children of gay men or lesbians is compromised in any respect relevant to that among offspring of heterosexual parents."This confirms what I already know. We are proud mothers who are also lesbians. For us, what really matters is our family, and that our family is protected under the law.This Mother's Day, like every day, we will celebrate being together and refuse to live with the fear that unfair laws could one day pull us apart.
May 2, 2002
This year, my partner and I will celebrate our second Mother's Day together, and we are grateful to our daughter, to each other and to our families. We adopted our daughter as a simultaneous same-sex adoption. We are fortunate to live in California where such adoptions are allowed.Unfortunately, many lawmakers and others in our society discriminate against lesbian, bisexual and transgendered mothers. Some women find it more advantageous to stay in the closet about their identity rather than risk losing, or being threatened with losing, parental rights. Some fear never being able to become parents at all because of unfair adoption laws.Florida, Utah and Mississippi currently ban same-sex adoptions, while only six states and the District of Columbia expressly permit them. The remaining states have no express laws regarding same-sex adoptions, although some states deny anyone who is not legally married the right to adopt.Participation in foster care is similarly off-limits in many states and counties, which place limits on who can be a caregiver based on identity, rather than competency. While hundreds of thousands of children nationwide await placement through a foster-care or adoption system, they are prevented from entering loving homes because of laws fueled by ignorance and bias.These laws fail to recognize that millions of children are being raised by so-called nontraditional families, including single parents, unmarried couples and extended families, as well as by gays, lesbians, bisexual and transgendered people, according to the recent census.Good news recently emerged when the American Academy of Pediatrics, the nation's largest pediatricians' group, called for legislation that would allow gays and lesbians to adopt their partner's children, known as second-parent adoption. The academy estimates that more than 9 million children in the United States have at least one gay or lesbian parent.What's more, the American Psychological Association recently published a report saying that "there is no evidence to suggest that lesbians and gay men are unfit to be parents, or that psychological development among children of gay men or lesbians is compromised in any respect relevant to that among offspring of heterosexual parents."This confirms what I already know. We are proud mothers who are also lesbians. For us, what really matters is our family, and that our family is protected under the law.This Mother's Day, like every day, we will celebrate being together and refuse to live with the fear that unfair laws could one day pull us apart.
May 2, 2002
Wednesday, November 12, 2003
Society has much to learn about adoption
By Akilah Monifa
November 12, 2003
Nov. 22 is National Adoption Day and this is National Adoption Month. I appreciate the recognition.
My partner and I are the mothers of two children, and although they joined our family, we do not refer to them as my "adopted" children.
It is amazing to me the number of strangers who approach me and ask questions in front of my children about how they may have joined my family. Questions like, "What do you know about the 'real' or 'natural' mother or father?" "Aren't you afraid they will want their kids back?" "Why were they given away?"
I struggle with how to reply to these questions because my main goal is to protect my children. I do not want them to feel stigmatized in any way.
My partner suggests a universal response to all such questions: "I'm sure you wouldn't have asked if you had known, but in our family, we don't discuss with strangers how our family was formed."
For me it's quite simple. I am a woman who wanted children. Our children know in an age-appropriate way how our family was formed. Our son is too young, but we talk to our daughter, who is now almost 3, about adoption, tell her the story of how she joined our family and let her know about how other families were created through adoption.
There are about 150,000 children and youth waiting in the foster-care system in the United States for permanent placement, according to recent estimates available from the Department of Health and Human Services' Administration for Children and Families. Thousands of eligible children in need of adoptive families are children of color. Many are older children and siblings who want to stay together.
A study released last year by the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption found that nearly 40 percent of American adults have considered adopting a child. With the advent of the Internet and with easily accessible information now available about adoption, people interested in adopting don't have far to look.
As for me, I will concentrate on raising and protecting my children. My wish for National Adoption Month and beyond is for all of us to understand that every child -- regardless of how they joined a family -- needs a loving home.
Akilah Monifa is a free-lance writer living in Oakland, Calif. She can be reached at pmproj@progressive.org.
November 12, 2003
Nov. 22 is National Adoption Day and this is National Adoption Month. I appreciate the recognition.
My partner and I are the mothers of two children, and although they joined our family, we do not refer to them as my "adopted" children.
It is amazing to me the number of strangers who approach me and ask questions in front of my children about how they may have joined my family. Questions like, "What do you know about the 'real' or 'natural' mother or father?" "Aren't you afraid they will want their kids back?" "Why were they given away?"
I struggle with how to reply to these questions because my main goal is to protect my children. I do not want them to feel stigmatized in any way.
My partner suggests a universal response to all such questions: "I'm sure you wouldn't have asked if you had known, but in our family, we don't discuss with strangers how our family was formed."
For me it's quite simple. I am a woman who wanted children. Our children know in an age-appropriate way how our family was formed. Our son is too young, but we talk to our daughter, who is now almost 3, about adoption, tell her the story of how she joined our family and let her know about how other families were created through adoption.
There are about 150,000 children and youth waiting in the foster-care system in the United States for permanent placement, according to recent estimates available from the Department of Health and Human Services' Administration for Children and Families. Thousands of eligible children in need of adoptive families are children of color. Many are older children and siblings who want to stay together.
A study released last year by the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption found that nearly 40 percent of American adults have considered adopting a child. With the advent of the Internet and with easily accessible information now available about adoption, people interested in adopting don't have far to look.
As for me, I will concentrate on raising and protecting my children. My wish for National Adoption Month and beyond is for all of us to understand that every child -- regardless of how they joined a family -- needs a loving home.
Akilah Monifa is a free-lance writer living in Oakland, Calif. She can be reached at pmproj@progressive.org.
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