Don't Ask, Don't Tell Pressure to Keep Quiet Extends to Team Sports

by Akilah Monifa

Sometimes not only do I get confused about what day of the week it is, but also the year. I recently received an e-mail from a friend which directed me to an article that began: "Should gay athletes, more particularly, should gay men be accepted as teammates? Should they have the same privileges of a heterosexual person in a locker room, or the same shower privileges? Should they be allowed to sleep in the same hotel room with their teammates?"

At first I thought it was some article from the 50s dredged up and reprinted. But somewhat to my shock, but mainly my dismay, the article was written in November 2002. As they say, the more things change, the more they stay the same. It was at least a throw back to the 1993 U.S. military policy of "don't ask, don't tell."

As an out African American lesbian and mother, sometimes I think that the world, or at least the rest of the United States, sees life through my lenses, which are accepting of folks regardless of gender, race, ethnicity, religion, national origin, sexual orientation, or any other identity.
But then I am snapped back in to reality. The quote above was written by Demetrious Johnson for the St. Louis American, a free weekly newspaper (circ. 68,500) covering the African American community. Johnson wrote a column titled, "Parameters need to be set on gay athletes."

The background is that former professional football player Esera Tuaolo came out as a gay man a full two years after retiring from football. Tuaolo was a nose tackle and weighed 300 pounds. Far from anyone's stereotype of a gay man. This guy was in the closet during his nine years of professional play, and of course long before that. In a print interview he spoke of his fear of coming out while an active player and said: "I'd wind up cut or injured. I was sure that if a GM didn't get rid of me for the sake of team chemistry, another player would intentionally hurt me, to keep up the image, because the NFL is a supermacho culture."

Johnson and others basically stated that in general they don't have a problem with gay folks or gay athletes, but that they should be in the closet if they play team sports or are in the locker rooms. Certainly a lot of journalists, athletes and other folks feel that way. But actions speak louder than statements. Johnson and others do have a problem with gay athletes and for that matter, gay people.

Somehow if you are gay and talk about your relationships or even have a picture of your partner you are "flaunting your lifestyle" but it is perfectly acceptable to talk about heterosexual relationships, even inappropriate ones. Rape, unprotected sex, cheating, physical and emotional violence are appropriate locker room talk -- but just don't be gay.

Tuaolo came out in October 2002 in a media blitz on HBO's "Real Sports" and "Inside the NFL," CNN, and ABC's "Good Morning America." But the real aftermath is being felt now with the homophobic reactions.

Charles Barkley, a former professional basketball player, put it best: "First of all, there are a lot of people in here that don't like gay people. It's not just athletes. Athletes are insecure. Man, we got the testosterone rolling. We don't want to be around gay men, that's just how it is. But it's not just in the locker room. I mean, people just don't like gay people in this country. And that's sad."
Sad indeed, but Barkley is right, it's not just sports. Is there any wonder folks from all walks of life are reluctant to come out? I applaud Tuaolo for coming out and remain saddened that a 34-year-old man cannot be out as a gay man. No professional athlete has come out while playing a team sport. I don't blame them.

For until we all see that lesbians, gays, bisexuals, and transgendered folks have a "life" not a "lifestyle," "sexual orientations" (as do heterosexuals) not "preferences" we will continue to be driven into the closet. And that certainly is no way to live one's life.

One big step journalists can take in general in covering lesbians, gays, bisexuals, and transgender folks is to not accept and reprint homophobic statements. Another very simple thing is to question language used to describe LGBTs and apply that same language to heterosexuals. For example, one sees the term gay "lifestyle" but there is no heterosexual "lifestyle."

LGBTs are like heterosexuals in how we live our lives and form our families. Using distinguishing words lessens our lives. Journalists covering gay athlete issues or who want to seek further education should also look to the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for a style guide as well as the GLAAD (Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) LGBT Media Reference Guide for Fall 2002/Winter 2003.

As for Tuaolo, hopefully he will have the last laugh. He is out of football and out in life and lives with his partner and their 23-month-old twins. Thank you Esera for breaking the silence and coming out of the closet. Here's to hoping that others will see the importance of being out and not be threatened by someone else coming out.